Mad Scientist Road Trip

Step One: Stop Summoning Dinosaurs

Recording device switches on, the sound of cars on the wet road.

???: Do Y'all need a ride!?

Alice: ...yes?

???: Wait a sec. Your not a fair folk, right?

Alice: No. Why would you think that?

???: Your nose is green.

Alice: Oh. uh... How many fair folks have you accidentally given a ride?

???: More than you would expect. About five? Alice: More than expected.

The sound of the device being dropped

Alice: Why did you just make me catch stale bread?!

???: It drives off fay.

Alice: It drives off most people.

???: Does it drive you off?

Alice: Sadly… no.

Getting into a car.

???: Alright. Have you been recording this?

Alice: How did you know?

???: You're carrying a small tape recorder.

Alice: Yeah. I’m doing a podcast about my road trip, mind if I record?

???: I guess not.

Alice: This is Alice Matin reporting, and this is Mad Scientist Road Trip.

???: You're a mad scientist?

Alice: Suppose so. I’m a Pyrologist.

???: ...a pyrokinetic?

Alice: NO!

???: I know! Sorry. Just trying to make y’all laugh. *Sheepish laugh*

Alice: Oh. Right. Sorry.

???: No apologies. Fire scientist?

Alice: Yep. What about you?

???: ...I’m not a mad scientist if that's what you're asking.

Alice: What’s with the skeleton rat then? ???: MAX! What did I tell Y'all?!

Alice: Ah...

???: Oh, sorry. Max is my rat.

Alice: *worriedly* You do realize it is a skeleton? Right?

???: Yes. His full name is Maxilla, a maxilla is the upper jaw bone?

Alice: How is it moving?

???: ...I guess I’m what y’alled call the ultimate recycler.

Alice: What?

???: Reduce-> Reuse -> Reanimate

Alice: ...necromancer?

???: Well, more like a practitioner of Necromantia. But yes.

Alice: “America may have great poets and novelists, but she never will have more than one necromancer.”

???: Necromantīa.

Alice: What’s your name, nercormancer?

???: I’m sorry. I can’t tell you.

Alice: Why not?

???: I’m cursed.

Alice: Oh, come on. That is not a good enough reason.

???: WHAT? It is a good enough reason . Alice: Can you write it?

???: umm… well… ugh...

Alice: Can you write?

???: Yes!

Alice: So why don’t you write it?

???: On what?

Alice: Your head? That way everyone knows your name.

???: And that ghost can feel like a ninnyhammer!

Alice Ninnyhammer?

???: Ninnyhammer.

Alice: Ninnyhammer. Ok then.

???: Please turn that off, I have been embarrassed enough today.

Alice: Who else embarrassed you?

???: I got kicked out of a funeral museum, failed to please a ghost, threw stale bread at a goblin (sorry), need I go on?

Alice: Fine. Can I at least turn on the radio? ???: Sorry, but no.

Alice: ....OK. Why not?

???: You are far more likely to ​die​ if the radio is on, and I don’t want to file the report if Y'all die.

Alice: Ok. Respectable.

???: Oh, you're doing it anyway.

Alice: I’m part of a whole “Mad Science Podcast Group” and Majesty’s got a real radio show!

???: Wait who is “Majesty”?

Alice: A shapeshifting, South American god with a passion for 30s women’s fashion.

???: ...and he is part of a mad science podcast collective. Along with you. Right.